In the natural way of things, a child learns to regulate his emotions through his attachment to his primary carer, usually his mother. When he experiences distress or pain, he runs to his mother, and in finding comfort, his distress will subside. Through this natural cycle, repeated over a period of time, a child learns that he can experience pain, but not be overwhelmed by it. He gains the tools to comfort himself and regain his equilibrium. Conversely, if the mother is for some reason not attuned to the child or is unavailable to meet his needs, the child experiences emotional abandonment. If this happens frequently, the child’s ability to regulate his emotions will be limited and this may lead to relationship difficulties later in life. [Read more…]
Anger and Rage
Until fairly recently, I had thought of anger and rage as being on a continuum; I believed they were different shades of the same emotion. I then had a life experience that triggered what I now know to be rage. I experienced this as an extreme and primitive emotion, which was way beyond any angry feelings I had ever experienced before. Underlying this rage was a terror of not being able to cope alone.
Book recommendation: Getting Past Your Past
Whether we’ve experienced small setbacks or major traumas, we are all influenced by past experiences we may not remember or don’t fully understand.
In Getting Past Your Past, Francine Shapiro explains how our personalities develop and how we become trapped into feeling, believing and acting in ways that don’t serve us. Through detailed examples and exercises readers will learn to understand themselves, and why the people in their lives act the way they do and will learn techniques to improve their relationships, break through emotional barriers and overcome limitations.
Using a conversational style, humour and fascinating real life stories, Shapiro makes it easy to understand how unprocessed memories can keep us stuck and what we can do about it.
If you carry negative beliefs such as “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not loveable”, which are holding you back, this book will help you to find the roots of these beliefs and establish more realistic ones.
Click on the image below to purchase Getting Past Your Past
Are you struggling to move on from a past event?
Have you suffered a traumatic or distressing life event which is constantly on you mind, day and night? Do you find yourself re-experiencing the feelings and body sensations of the event as if it is happening now?
Maybe you don’t remember a specific traumatic event, but you know that in response to certain triggers, you experience a stronger reaction than other people around you seem to have…Or maybe you avoid situations or relationships because of past pain that you don’t want to re-experience.
When trauma goes untreated, it can affect all aspects of your life, manifesting as a variety of physical, emotional and behavioural symptoms.
Trauma: when the body feels unsafe
Do you berate yourself for feeling anxious in situations where other people seem to feel at ease? Have you felt judged for being particularly sensitive?
The truth is that feeling unsafe is simply the body’s response to the environment and is largely involuntary, as are the behaviours that result from it.
Are you affected by trauma?
What is trauma?
Trauma is a word that is frequently used, but what does it actually mean? Trauma is commonly understood as the experiencing or witnessing of an event that is life-threatening or dangerous or otherwise overwhelming. It usually involves a feeling of helplessness. Many people serving in the military experience trauma, as do individuals who survive a natural disaster, serious accident, or personal attack. Traumatic stress can also be caused by ongoing stress caused by, for example, living in an abusive relationship or struggling with a life-threatening illness. [Read more…]