It is often useful to discuss your thoughts about the counselling relationship with your counsellor. Difficulties and dynamics that occur in the counselling relationship can reflect what may be happening in other relationships in your life. Many people come to counselling with issues around relationships, past and present. In establishing a good working relationship with your counsellor, based on genuineness, empathy and acceptance, you are in a much better position to play your part in attempting to solve relationship difficulties elsewhere in your life. If something in the counselling relationship isn’t working for you, why not take a risk and say so – you and your counsellor may be able to work through the difficulty together, which will be good practice for resolving relationship problems elsewhere.
If you feel that you’re not connecting with your counsellor, talk about it. We are all different and therefore we click better with some people than we do with others. If you don’t feel comfortable with your counsellor, and it doesn’t improve after exploring this with him or her, then maybe the best option is to find a different counsellor. Your counsellor should respect your choice and might be able to recommend another counsellor, who perhaps has a different approach that might suit you better.
Ideally, you will stop therapy when you and your therapist have decided that you’ve reached a point where you feel you’ve made as much progress as you need, wish or are able to make. In the last sessions, it can be useful to reflect on the journey you’ve been on through the counselling, and to reflect on the changes you’ve made. Leaving therapy can be quite emotional, especially if the therapeutic relationship has been a long one. Ending the counselling relationship is a loss even if treatment has been successful.
Endings are a normal, but often difficult part of life. Abrupt endings or wanting to close the work without notice may be part of a pattern in relationships of getting away or cutting off from saying goodbye or dealing with conflict, anger or other feelings. In counselling, you have an opportunity to experience an ending in a more conscious way, which can enable you to move on without any unfinished business, and provide you with a positive experience of an ending, which you can learn from and use in other relationships.