Perfectionism: thriving or surviving?

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism involves the pursuit of flawlessness and the setting of high standards, and is often accompanied by critical self-evaluation and an aversion to imperfection (Flett & Hewitt, 2002). While a healthy dose of perfectionism can serve as a positive motivator, excessive perfectionism may lead to stress and anxiety, and can hinder, rather than enhance, our chances of success.

In order to understand whether our own perfectionistic tendencies are constructive or detrimental to our wellbeing, it may be helpful to differentiate between two dimensions of perfectionism: perfectionist striving and perfectionist concerns.

Perfectionist striving

Perfectionist striving, characterised by the pursuit of excellence and the establishment of high standards (Stoeber & Otto, 2006; Gade, Schermelleh-Engel & Klein, 2017), is associated with aspirations for success, heightened performance and self-efficacy (Slade & Owens, 1998).

Perfectionist concerns

Conversely, perfectionist concerns entail self-critical evaluation and a fixation on perceived failures in comparison to unrealistically high standards (Gade, Schermelleh-Engel & Klein, 2017). These concerns breed fear of failure, leading to anxiety, rumination over past mistakes, self-doubt, and fear of letting others down, particularly when circumstances are beyond one’s control.

While healthy perfectionism can propel us towards achieving our goals, unhealthy perfectionism may result in severe stress and anxiety, undermining our prospects of success and corroding self-esteem and confidence. Unhealthy perfectionism often leads to chronic stress, which can manifest in physical symptoms such as elevated blood pressure, digestive issues, and compromised immunity (McEven, 1998). In addition, it can result in emotional disturbances such as irritability, fatigue, insomnia, and diminished libido (McEven, 1998), leaving individuals dissatisfied with their lives and predisposed to depression due to recurrent failure to meet unrealistic expectations.

How does unhealthy perfectionism develop?

Perfectionism often emerges in early childhood, in response to various factors. A child who is praised solely for achievements, or whose parents set excessively high standards, may develop a fear of failure and a relentless pursuit of perfection. Early academic pressure, family dynamics, and personality traits such as conscientiousness and anxiety sensitivity also contribute to perfectionism. Experiences of failure or perceived failure, as well as cultural and societal norms emphasising achievement, can also shape perfectionistic tendencies.

How to identify unhealthy perfectionism in yourself

Identifying unhealthy perfectionism in yourself involves recognising patterns of thought, behaviour, and emotional responses that contribute to stress, dissatisfaction, and impaired wellbeing. Here are some signs to look out for:

1. Setting Unrealistic Standards: Constantly setting impossibly high standards for yourself in various areas of life, such as work, relationships, or personal goals, and feeling inadequate or anxious when you fall short.
2. All-or-Nothing Thinking: Viewing situations in black-and-white terms, where anything less than perfect is considered a failure. This rigid thinking pattern can lead to harsh self-criticism and an inability to appreciate progress or achievements.
3. Procrastination: Avoiding tasks or projects out of fear of not being able to complete them perfectly, leading to delayed or incomplete work and increased stress.
4. Perfectionist Concerns: Experiencing excessive worry, rumination, or preoccupation with mistakes, criticism, or perceived flaws, which can contribute to anxiety, self-doubt, and low self-esteem.
5. Overemphasis on External Validation: Seeking validation and approval from others as a measure of self-worth, rather than valuing intrinsic qualities or personal growth.
6. Impact on Relationships: Struggling with interpersonal relationships due to high expectations of others or feeling resentful when they don’t meet your standards, leading to conflict and isolation.
7. Physical Symptoms: Experiencing physical symptoms of stress, such as headaches, muscle tension, or insomnia, as a result of chronic perfectionistic striving and worry.
8. Diminished Enjoyment: Finding it difficult to enjoy activities or hobbies because of the pressure to perform perfectly, turning leisure pursuits into stressful obligations.
9. Fear of Failure: Avoiding new challenges or opportunities for fear of making mistakes or not meeting expectations, which limits personal growth and exploration.
10. Comparison and Envy: Constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling envious of their achievements, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

Regaining balance

Recognising the above signs and acknowledging the negative impact of perfectionism on your wellbeing is the first step towards adopting attitudes and behaviours which will benefit you and your relationships. If you recognise unhealthy perfectionism in yourself and would like to make some changes to benefit your overall wellbeing, here are some pointers:

1. Set realistic goals and standards. While aiming high is commendable, ensure that your objectives are achievable.
2. Foster flexibility. Cultivating flexibility enables you to adapt to life’s uncertainties and adjust your goals and expectations accordingly.
3. Reframe mistakes as opportunities for growth. Embrace errors as valuable learning experiences rather than indications of personal failure.
4. Seek professional help. Therapy can help you understand the roots of your perfectionism, and identify and change thought patterns and behaviours which are no longer serving you. It can also support you in managing the fear and anxiety arising from perfectionism.

While adaptive perfectionism can propel us towards excellence, unrealistic standards may ensnare us in a cycle of maladaptive perfectionism, undermining our wellbeing and confidence. Embracing imperfection and adopting a balanced approach to achievement can pave the way for fulfillment and contentment.